Intimacy is an important part of any romantic relationship. Just to be clear, intimacy does not only include sex, but it is a part of it and when you and your partner have different personalities in the bedroom there can be a bit of a problem and navigating sex can become tricky.
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When your sex drives don’t exactly match up and a partner isn’t getting enough intimacy or feels like they are getting pressured to provide too much it can lead to real tension. Here’s what you can do to resolve it:
Empathy and compassion are the keys
It’s easy to jump to conclusion as the tension builds. The person with the higher sex drive might feel unloved or undesired. The other might feel pressured or seen only as an outlet of physical needs. Starting with open and empathetic communication is the key. If you have trouble doing this together, then you might even want to look for the help of someone like a couples’ counsellor who can help you break down what barriers you might feel are between you and your partner.
Is there a reason behind a low sex drive?
Sometimes, people simply have a lower sex drive than their partner and that’s okay. Being able to accept when that is the reality of it is crucial. However, there are also issues that can affect one’s libido and desirability. Depression is known to have a major impact on both sex drive and self-esteem, both of which can make you feel like physical intimacy is the last thing that you want. Taking more time to relax together, to be physically comfortable before engaging in intimacy (with enthusiastic consent on all sides) can help you build up your “readiness” if you want to try focusing on what works, too.
The mental health aspect of overactive libidos
Often, we look at the problem from the perspective of why someone has a lower sex drive, and we have explored a lot of the options. However, if one partner in the relationship has a seemingly insatiable appetite for physical intimacy, it could be the sign of a sex or porn addiction, too. These addictions may not may be physically driven, but they still require treatment to help manage them as best as possible. Be sure to look at the emotional health of both people in the relationship. Be sure to talk to your partner about this first. It can be a touchy subject to discuss so keep an open mind and allow them to speak freely.
Managing a higher sex drive
If your partner has a lower sex drive than you, it might feel like you have a problem that isn’t getting taken care of properly. As mentioned, good communication can help ensure that a lack of desire isn’t being the perceived lack of intimacy. There are lots of ways to help manage a higher sex drive, which can include accepting other forms of intimacy and gifts of love and taking care of your own needs from time to time.
There are no clean and simple solutions to a mismatched pair of libidos. The tips above can help you start to untangle the issue, but open communication and looking at your sexual health are both important to finding a comfortable medium for you both.