As we get older friendships get so tricky, Adult friendships are a little more complicated than making friends on the playground. It’s completely normal to feel like you’re drifting from your friends. Shocker! I know.
Relationships evolve … and so do you
But as life changes, things happen. The same people you knew in elementary school, high school or even college just don’t seem the same anymore. Somehow, you don’t feel like you’re on the same page. You just can’t relate to some of your friends anymore.
Every few months I wonder whether I’m drifting from my friends and what I should do about it. I used to be afraid of thinking this, like I was a bad friend or something for thinking that our friendship might be coming to an end. But, this is a healthy thing (at least that’s what I tell myself lol) because it means you’re evolving to a point where you’re not afraid to evaluate those relationships, to ascertain whether they are fitting into your current reality or whether you need to take a step back.
Sometimes it’s hard to say “I’m here and I care”
Most times when I check in with friends, after feeling a bit distant, we’re able to pick up where we left off and I just needed to hear their voice. Texting has become a huge part of our daily lives, but there’s something about a phone call that not only says :”I’m here and I care” (whoa, that could be the name of a hit song! lol) but it provides a connection that you can’t always get over the text.
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Don’t let this sabotage your friendship
I know we’ve all been there. We’ve all been at a place where we received a text message or an email message (any kind of textual communication) and we had no idea how to interpret the content, or we felt that there was some kind of undercurrent of a weird tone or some kind of attitude. As a passive aggressive email respondent, I have been there a few times. Sometimes a simple phone call is all we need to realize that there was no ill-intent or malicious undertone in those messages. We project a lot on our environment and this means sometimes seeing, feeling or interpreting things that might not exist. This is why a phone call is important.
I completely understand if you’re terrified of a phone call. Heck, 99.8% of the time I am too, but if this person means anything close to important to you, you’ll be willing to take a deep breath and be absolutely terrified while you make that call.
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Well, are you outgrowing your friends?
A few things to consider if you feel like you’re outgrowing your friends:
- When did you start feeling like this?
- What has changed in your life or your friend’s life that may be causing some concerns?
- Don’t blame the other party (nobody likes to be accused of anything)
- Think about how you might have contributed to the situation and what you might be able to do to fix it
- After you’ve sorted through some of these thoughts, talk to your friend about how you’re feeling
Now, I am not saying everything will be resolved in one conversation. Over the years it’s taken a few conversations, and a few minor blow-ups to get to a new normal with some friends but it has always been worth it. Whether it’s friends you’ve known since childhood, or friends you’ve met on this adult journey it is always worth it to try to salvage a friendship. Just to try at least, it may not work out but you tried to make amends and that counts for something.
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There was a reason you two became friends, sometimes that reason may change because of all of life’s transitions. This doesn’t mean you can’t find a new reason. But, if you can’t… that’s okay too. You tried, it didn’t work. You’ll focus on nurturing the relationships you have that actually work and look to create new ones.
We all need friends. If it doesn’t work out with a few, don’t close yourself off…there’s a friend or two, out there waiting for you.
These rhymes are getting serious! I need to write a children’s book lol.
Happy Friending !