My husband and I are always on a quest to be healthier. We are always seeking to be in better shape, to be more fit and reach new exercise peaks. However, regardless of the exercise routine we follow, we won’t see much success unless we change our diet too.
Every time we re-assess our health goals he goes back to one phrase: “if you want to achieve success with maintaining your weight loss it is not about a diet or exercise, it is about your current relationship with the food“. So, the process is mainly psychological. We all have different reasons for our relationship with food and this follows us through our lives and can either assist or hurt our weight loss goals.
What does your relationship with money look like?
In the same we way that we need to change our relationship with food to maintain weight loss, we need to change our relationship with money to become more financially secure.
Our relationship with money impacts pretty much every aspect of our lives. Just like our relationship with food, or pretty much anything else, we generally learn these beliefs and feelings through socialization. The experiences we’ve had as children shape our worldview. We are shaped by our experiences and as we grow up we build almost fortress-like rationales for our beliefs.
Our relationship with money is one of these beliefs. We may not realize it, because we believe that our current access to money (income) is what determines how we use money. Our behaviours when we have more money and when we have less money though are based on those foundational beliefs. While this will also depend on what you can afford, you place priorities on things you value.
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Follow the money … the feelings… and your childhood
For example a few years ago, I would spend any extra income on food. Not even very good food, just food that made me feel good. I would also spend money on jewellery but not any jewellery – only locally made pieces and a specific jewelry line I knew that used local artisans as part of a social enterprise project. This was when I had a great job and really had no worries.
A few years after that when I was living on my own, and going to school, I spent my money on clothing. The cheapest (“most affordable option” is a better phrase to use, I guess) but nicest looking clothes.
Now, I am back in a solid job, I’m part of this amazing GrownUp Millennial community, and I’m working everyday to be better than yesterday… and my spending has changed. As I become more mindful of the impact humans have on the environment and embrace minimalism – I think twice before I make a purchase. However, I still have an unhealthy obsession with the dollar store.
From those scenarios you’ll see a pattern. That amazing job was also kinda stressful because it was dealing with some pretty heavy human rights and advocacy issues. So, I focused whatever would bring me any bit of joy. In my childhood memories, joy involves food and nice gifts (especially jewellery).
In the second scenario, money was a bit tight, and I had more responsibilities than when I had that previous job. So, I went back to the memories of the moments surrounding my father’s stroke. My mother spoke to me briefly about cutting back on our previous luxuries. These memories were coupled with my need to dress for the job I wanted (which was very important now that I was back in school and rethinking my career path). So, I got the most affordable “luxurious-looking” clothes.
The final scenario describes a time where my life is pretty balanced. I probably can afford a splurge or two, but because of my experience with my father’s stroke and how suddenly his health declined – I am constantly thinking about emergencies (specifically health emergencies) and having money set aside for this. So I rationalize my dollar store binges as being able to “splurge” and not hurt that emergency fund. Guilt-free splurging.
Change your relationship with money
If you want to attain any kind of increased financial freedom then we have to change our relationship with money. Our default is to focus on our lack of money, NOT how we can use it to achieve our goals. Somehow we always think about hoarding it and even when we think about taking risks we envision the path of least resistance, or the path that will ensure we lose the least amount of money for the highest reward (or the path that leads to “guilt-free” spending at the dollar store).
That makes sense though right? It’s always best to look for a deal. Who doesn’t want to get more for less? However the true magic of changing our relationship with money is believing that you will attract wealth in all your endeavours. That instead of repelling money you will attract money.
There is enough money in the world for us to want more
After reading a “The Rich Bitch guide to money and love” and “You are a badass” I’m finally understanding that there is enough money in the world for it to be okay for you to want more…for you to attract more into your life…for you not to feel guilty about a purchase…for you to stop focusing on hoarding it. To be fair, this might sound like a it’s coming from a place of privilege, and while I acknowledge my privileges and that all our lives are different – the argument is still valid.
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Whenever I get a higher paying job, my expenses increase. I know you can relate – you start thinking “yeah I’m rich” then all of a sudden BILLS and more bills.
The moment I start worrying about how the bills will be paid. There is a cloud of anxiety that lingers over my head. I calculate every cent in my head and struggle to cover my expenses at the end of the month…but the moment that I believe everything will work itself out and I will cover my bills and be able to save a dollar or two – is when I am able to pay my bills without stress and anxiety and still be able to save.
In this post we talked about how your thoughts become your reality. Let’s stop limiting your abilities and embrace a money mindset, change your relationship with money and watch your money problems decrease.